Maybe you are afraid of what other people might think of you now.
Maybe you are disappointed or angry with your boyfriend.
You don’t have to deal with your worries alone!
What grown-up person do you trust?
Talk to that person.
Maybe they can help you.
Important to know:
Nobody is allowed to send on your photo without your permission.
You can look for your photo on the internet.
Enter your name in Google.
If you find the photo on a web site:
Contact the web site.
Tell them: That photo has to be deleted. It belongs to me.
Tell your class mates:
That photo should not have been sent out.
Get help from someone you trust.
If you want to talk to someone else or you have questions:
You can get advice at www.save-me-online.de .
The advice is free and you don’t have to say your name.
It’s understandable that you still think about this.
Lots of people who have had this kind of experience think about it often.
Maybe you have to think about it even more.
Because you and your girlfriend are very close.
Maybe you have strange feelings when you are near her.
Maybe you are unsure if you should tell her or not.
Do you want to tell her?
Think about what you want from her when you are physically close.
Then think about what you want to say to her.
Perhaps these words will help:
Somebody once hurt me very much.
So I don’t want to do anything which will hurt again.
Sometimes I also want to stop hugging quickly.
That is because of my memories.
Not because of you.
Think about how much you want to tell her.
It is important that it feels ok to you.
You can tell her what you want from her.
We say: absolutely not!
Nobody is themselves to blame when something like this happens.
Nobody may touch you if you do not want them to.
Sometimes there are silly moments.
Even with somebody you know!
Sometimes it was a nice night to start with.
But then something happens which you do not want to happen.
But what always matters is that your feelings are correct and important!
Even the law states:
Kissing, touching and sex with a partner who does not consent to the activity is forbidden.
Even if you couldn’t properly express yourself at that moment.
Even if you are too drunk to say no.
The other person will still see if you are really enjoying their behaviour or not.
You can always seek help.
For example, in Munich we have the IMMA advice centre: http://www.imma.de/einrichtungen/beratungsstelle/kontakt.html
Young people can find help elsewhere in Germany here: https://www.zanzu.de/de/hilfe-beratung
A black out is unsettling.
It means: you do not know what happened.
Even though you were not asleep.
Maybe your girlfriends know what happened to you.
Start by asking them.
Then you need to see a doctor.
They can find out if you may be ill.
It is also possible that somebody spiked your drink.
These drugs are often known as ‘roofies’.
They have no taste or smell.
They can be secretly slipped into a drink.
You may then feel powerless, helpless or as if you were paralysed.
Later, you have memory loss; a black out.
You can talk about this with your doctor.
She can also recommend someone you can talk to.
It can be scary not knowing what has happened.
Please seek help.
Firstly we would like to tell you something:
It is forbidden to hit children in Germany.
The law states:
Children have a right to be brought up without violence.
Parents may not intentionally injure their children.
They may not physically injure them.
And they may not injure them psychologically.
Hitting causes injury to the body and the psyche.
That is your right as the child of your parents.
This law exists to ensure children can grow up healthily.
You may say this.
If you are unable to talk to your father by yourself there are also help centres.
In Munich you can find a help centre close to your home: http://www.muenchen.de/dienstleistungsfinder/muenchen/1053/
Children and young people across Germany can call the Nummer gegen Kummer: 116111
You can call this number for free from your mobile phone.
There are people there from 2 pm until 8 pm who you can talk to.
Your friends are not playing a game.
What they are doing is prohibited in Germany.
Your friends can even be punished.
Girls and women in Germany have the same rights as boys and men.
They should not be harassed.
Nobody is allowed to touch them if they don’t want to be touched.
Nobody is allowed to frighten or hurt them.
You should not go with your friends.
If you are there you can also be punished.
Even if you do not harass a girl yourself.
Your friends may pressure you to go.
They want you to be there.
And you want to have friends.
You need a lot of courage to say NO.
Ask an adult to help you.
They might have an idea what you can do in response to the pressure from your friends.
Committing a criminal offence can have bad consequences for your future.
What these boys are doing is prohibited in Germany.
You should not be ashamed.
What these boys are doing can be punished.
Girls and women in Germany have the same rights as boys and men.
Nobody is allowed to harass you.
Nobody is allowed to touch you against your will.
Nobody is allowed to frighten you or hurt you.
Tell your teacher about it.
Or someone else you trust.
You can learn how to react to foolish advances.
There are courses where you can practice this with other people.
You will learn how strong you are.
You will learn when you should run away.
You will learn what you can say.
You will learn who can help you.
You can take a course with a friend.
Your teacher can tell you where you can take a course.
You can also ask the school therapist or social worker at school.
You are not doing anything wrong.
The boys are responsible for their behaviour and must change.
A homosexual is someone who loves someone of their own sex.
A boy who loves another boy.
Or a girl who loves another girl.
These people can have sex together if they want to.
Homosexuals are also called gay if they’re boys or lesbian if they’re girls.
You didn’t want to do those things.
This is called sexual abuse.
This is prohibited. Adults who abuse children can be severely punished.
Read this little story.
You climb a tree and sit on a branch.
Suddenly a man climbs up and pushes you off the branch.
You injure yourself and it hurts.
It’s not your fault that you fell off.
The man pushed you.
You climb the tree again. There is nobody there.
You don’t fall from the branch.
You can stay sitting on that branch or climb onto another branch.
Just because you were pushed once, that does not mean you will always fall off the tree.
This means that sexual abuse by a man does not make you gay.
You will find out yourself later if you are gay or not.
You will know when you fall in love with someone.
You might think
that the security guard is looking out for you.
He helps you and lets you do lots of things.
Maybe he won’t help you any more if you complain.
You don’t know who to talk to about it.
If the security guard is helping you that is his decision.
But it is not ok if he does something you don’t like.
You are the one who decides who can touch you.
There are lots of people who help you.
You only need to thank them and nothing more.
If someone honestly wants to help you,
they won’t do anything you don’t like.
It’s good to talk to someone about it.
You can talk to the social workers in your sheltered accommodation.
Or talk to people at an advice centre.
Find advice centres via these websites:
Your cousin is not allowed to do that.
Nobody is allowed to touch you in your intimate areas.
Whether you are a girl or a boy.
You are too young.
That is not permitted in Germany.
When you are older, you are allowed to decide who touches you by yourself.
You should tell your carer.
They can get help for you.
So that it doesn’t happen again.
You can also get help at an advice centre.
You are not guilty.
You will not be punished.
Your cousin can be punished if you want him to be.
Then you must make a complaint to the police.
An advice centre can help you with that.