I (17, girl) drank alcohol yesterday. Then a friend touched me on my breasts, then between my legs. I did not want him to. But I couldn’t say anything as I found it hard to talk. My girlfriends say: that’s what happens when you drink alcohol. Is it my fault?

We say: absolutely not!
Nobody is themselves to blame when something like this happens.
Nobody may touch you if you do not want them to.

Sometimes there are silly moments.
Even with somebody you know!
Sometimes it was a nice night to start with.
But then something happens which you do not want to happen.
But what always matters is that your feelings are correct and important!
Even the law states:
Kissing, touching and sex with a partner who does not consent to the activity is forbidden.
Even if you couldn’t properly express yourself at that moment.
Even if you are too drunk to say no.
The other person will still see if you are really enjoying their behaviour or not.

You can always seek help.
For example, in Munich we have the IMMA advice centre: http://www.imma.de/einrichtungen/beratungsstelle/kontakt.html
Young people can find help elsewhere in Germany here: https://www.zanzu.de/de/hilfe-beratung

I was at a party recently (16, girl) and I had a ‘black out’. I have no idea what happened. But I was not drinking alcohol and I did not take any drugs. Why did this happen?

A black out is unsettling.
It means: you do not know what happened.
Even though you were not asleep.

Maybe your girlfriends know what happened to you.
Start by asking them.
Then you need to see a doctor.
They can find out if you may be ill.

It is also possible that somebody spiked your drink.
These drugs are often known as ‘roofies’.
They have no taste or smell.
They can be secretly slipped into a drink.
You may then feel powerless, helpless or as if you were paralysed.
Later, you have memory loss; a black out.

You can talk about this with your doctor.
She can also recommend someone you can talk to.
It can be scary not knowing what has happened.
Please seek help.

I am a 14 year old boy. If I do something wrong, my father hits me. I have a lot of respect for my father. However, I want him to stop it. How can I tell him?

Firstly we would like to tell you something:
It is forbidden to hit children in Germany.
The law states:
Children have a right to be brought up without violence.
Parents may not intentionally injure their children.
They may not physically injure them.
And they may not injure them psychologically.
Hitting causes injury to the body and the psyche.

That is your right as the child of your parents.
This law exists to ensure children can grow up healthily.
You may say this.

If you are unable to talk to your father by yourself there are also help centres.
In Munich you can find a help centre close to your home: http://www.muenchen.de/dienstleistungsfinder/muenchen/1053/
Children and young people across Germany can call the Nummer gegen Kummer: 116111
You can call this number for free from your mobile phone.
There are people there from 2 pm until 8 pm who you can talk to.

I am a 15-year-old boy and my friends go into town to harass and touch girls for fun. I don’t want to take part. What should I do?

Your friends are not playing a game.
What they are doing is prohibited in Germany.
Your friends can even be punished.

Girls and women in Germany have the same rights as boys and men.
They should not be harassed.
Nobody is allowed to touch them if they don’t want to be touched.
Nobody is allowed to frighten or hurt them.

You should not go with your friends.
If you are there you can also be punished.
Even if you do not harass a girl yourself.

Your friends may pressure you to go.
They want you to be there.
And you want to have friends.
You need a lot of courage to say NO.

Ask an adult to help you.
They might have an idea what you can do in response to the pressure from your friends.
Committing a criminal offence can have bad consequences for your future.

I am a 13-year-old girl and at home it was common for boys to harass and touch women. Now it’s the same here. I’m ashamed. Who can help me?

What these boys are doing is prohibited in Germany.
You should not be ashamed.
What these boys are doing can be punished.

Girls and women in Germany have the same rights as boys and men.
Nobody is allowed to harass you.
Nobody is allowed to touch you against your will.
Nobody is allowed to frighten you or hurt you.

Get help.
Tell your teacher about it.
Or someone else you trust.

You can learn how to react to foolish advances.
There are courses where you can practice this with other people.
You will learn how strong you are.
You will learn when you should run away.
You will learn what you can say.
You will learn who can help you.
You can take a course with a friend.
Your teacher can tell you where you can take a course.
You can also ask the school therapist or social worker at school.

You are not doing anything wrong.
The boys are responsible for their behaviour and must change.

I am a 13-year-old boy and during my journey to this country I travelled with two men. They did disgusting and painful things to me. Am I now a homosexual?

A homosexual is someone who loves someone of their own sex.

A boy who loves another boy.
Or a girl who loves another girl.
These people can have sex together if they want to.
Homosexuals are also called gay if they’re boys or lesbian if they’re girls.

You didn’t want to do those things.
This is called sexual abuse.
This is prohibited. Adults who abuse children can be severely punished.

Read this little story.
You climb a tree and sit on a branch.
Suddenly a man climbs up and pushes you off the branch.
You injure yourself and it hurts.
It’s not your fault that you fell off.
The man pushed you.
You climb the tree again. There is nobody there.
You don’t fall from the branch.
You can stay sitting on that branch or climb onto another branch.
Just because you were pushed once, that does not mean you will always fall off the tree.

This means that sexual abuse by a man does not make you gay.
You will find out yourself later if you are gay or not.
You will know when you fall in love with someone.

There is a nice security guard who works at my sheltered accommodation. He helps me and lets me do lots of things. But yesterday he repeatedly touched my body. I don’t like that. What should I do?

You might think
that the security guard is looking out for you.
He helps you and lets you do lots of things.
Maybe he won’t help you any more if you complain.
You don’t know who to talk to about it.

If the security guard is helping you that is his decision.
But it is not ok if he does something you don’t like.
You are the one who decides who can touch you.

There are lots of people who help you.
You only need to thank them and nothing more.
If someone honestly wants to help you,
they won’t do anything you don’t like.

It’s good to talk to someone about it.
You can talk to the social workers in your sheltered accommodation.
Or talk to people at an advice centre.
Find advice centres via these websites:
http://www.zanzu.de/de/hilfe-beratung

https://www.hilfeportal-missbrauch.de/nc/adressen/hilfe-in-ihrer-naehe/kartensuche.html?tx_nxshelpdesk_helpdesk[institutionType]=21

My cousin (male, 22 years old) touched me (female, 13 years old) between my legs. But I didn’t want him to. What happens if I tell someone?

Your cousin is not allowed to do that.

Nobody is allowed to touch you in your intimate areas.

Whether you are a girl or a boy.

You are too young.

That is not permitted in Germany.

When you are older, you are allowed to decide who touches you by yourself.

 

You should tell your carer.

They can get help for you.

So that it doesn’t happen again.

You can also get help at an advice centre.

 

Important:

You are not guilty.

You will not be punished.

Your cousin can be punished if you want him to be.

Then you must make a complaint to the police.

An advice centre can help you with that.

I am a 14-year-old boy. My carer wants to kiss me. I think that‘s disgusting. What should I do?

Your carer is not allowed to kiss you.

In Germany, people are not allowed to take advantage of vulnerable persons.

Vulnerable persons are:

People who need help and protection from another person.

So he has done something wrong and prohibited.

Tell him that you do not want to.

He must accept that.

 

If he continues, get help.

Tell another carer or your guardian.

If they do not believe you, look for someone else.

Until someone helps you.

 

Important:

Your feelings are ok.

You will not be punished.

You are allowed to say NO.