This website is designed for underage girls and boys.
But you should be at least 13 years old.
We will have new information for you regularly.
So visit our website often.
You would like to feel at home in Germany.
So you need to know the rules.
And you need to learn a few things.
We want to help you do this.
Maybe we are too direct for you.
Maybe you find something embarrassing.
Something we write.
We do not mean to cause any harm.
We apologise in advance.
But it is important that you also know about embarrassing subjects.
You should feel comfortable and safe in Germany.
We want to help you feel that way.
That is a difficult question to answer.
Probably, everybody does that differently.
And many people do it differently each time.
You can have sex and be almost completely dressed.
Then you just touch each other under your clothes.
Perhaps the pants are undone.
Perhaps the skirt or dress is pushed up.
You can also undress each other for sex.
First the tops, then the bottoms.
Or the other way round.
Or you can caress one another first and then you both get undressed.
You could go to the bathroom one after the other and get undressed by yourselves.
Everybody has their own way they like to do this.
It is important that you feel good about it.
It is important that you know your needs and pay attention to them.
So be very aware of what you need at that moment.
Tell the other person what you want.
If you don’t want to take something off:
It is OK to say it.
It is very nice that you are in love.
Having questions about sex is totally normal.
Sex is something intimate.
That means: It is only for you and people who you trust.
Maybe your parents are worried that someone might abuse that trust.
But sex is a basic right of all people.
And you have the right to have someone answer your questions.
Think about it: Who do you want to talk to about it?
It could be somebody from your family.
It could be a counsellor.
It could be somebody from school.
Maybe they can give you the answers.
But maybe they do not know the answers.
Then you can ask someone at a counselling center, at no cost.
You can call them or go there in person.
They are very good at answering these questions.
Before you meet them, write down some key words.
That way you won’t forget anything.
Here you will find a list of counselling centers that can help you:
Click on the red sentence “NÜTZLICHE ADRESSEN” (Useful addresses).
It is normal that you are unsure.
You have not had sexual intercourse before.
The first time is not easy for many people.
When you have had sex more often, it gets easier.
You get to know each other’s bodies better all the time.
You need experience with each other.
When you caress one another, you get to know each other’s bodies.
You can touch the vagina and feel where it is.
You can carefully push a finger into the vagina.
Your girlfriend can caress your hard penis.
Your girlfriend can insert the penis into her vagina herself.
It helps to talk to one another while you are having sex.
The important thing is: Sex should be fun.
If your girlfriend says: It hurts.
Then you must stop.
You need time to get to know your feelings during sex.
After a while you can be like a good team.
Yes, it can be fun.
Sex between a man and a woman can be pleasant.
Sex among men can be fun.
Sex among women can also be fun.
There are different kinds of sex.
All people have “erogenous zones”.
“Erogenous zones” are places on the body.
Touching those places during sex makes people feel good.
One of those places is the “prostate”.
The prostate is part of the body.
You can’t see it from the outside.
The prostate is touched by movement inside the bottom.
For example when 2 men have anal sex with each other.
Anal sex in this case means:
One man sticks his penis into the bottom of the other man.
Anal sex can be very pleasant for both men.
Other “erogenous zones” are, for example:
The whole penis, testicles, nipples, or the neck.
When many “erogenous zones” are touched in a pleasing way, sex is fun.
There are no bones in the penis.
So there can’t be a broken bone.
This does not happen very often.
But: Your penis could have a serious injury.
When someone has this injury, we also say:
The penis is broken.
You have to see a doctor immediately.
The injury has to be treated quickly.
There could be tears inside the penis.
Those have to be operated on.
Please do not wait before you see a doctor.
Go to a doctor who is a urologist.
Or to the emergency room at the hospital.
Tell them: My penis is badly injured.
This is not embarrassing.
You don’t have to say how it happened.
It is important for your health.
Without treatment, your penis could be damaged for ever.
No, they don‘t.
For many, “losing your virginity” means:
Having sex with another person for the first time.
It does not matter what gender the other person is.
“Having sex” does not only mean:
Inserting the penis into the vagina.
A person can also have sex with their mouths or with their hands.
What is important is what the person likes.
It doesn’t matter whether the other person is a man or a woman.
These girls also lose their virginity.
Men can also lose their virginity.
For many people, this is a very important thing.
For many, it means: Becoming an adult.
But you also become an adult if you don’t have sex.
And not everybody who has already had sex is also an adult because of it.
The “G-spot” is a place inside the bodies of women and girls.
Not all girls and women have this spot.
It depends on their bodies.
The spot is inside the vagina.
It is on the belly side, so at the top, in a way.
Sometimes it is directly behind the entrance to the vagina.
Sometimes it is a little further inside.
Often it feels a little rough.
It can be different sizes.
When the “G-spot” is massaged:
This feels very good for some.
Some reach orgasm easier this way.
Some don’t feel very much at all.
That’s all normal!
The best thing to do: Get to know your body.
Learn what feels good for you.
It is different for every person.
No, usually a woman does not lose that much blood during her first time having sex.
Sex in this question probably means: sexual intercourse.
That means: The penis is inserted into the vagina.
In some women, the hymen is torn during their “first time”.
Here you can read what that is: https://refu-tips.de/en/i-14-year-old-had-my-period-last-week-i-used-a-tampon-and-i-suddenly-started-bleeding-heavily-i-am-afraid-i-may-have-damaged-my-hymen-what-can-i-do-now/
In some women, the walls of the vagina are injured by the penis.
That means: The penis causes very small tears in the vagina.
In the vagina means: Inside the body.
About half of all women don’t bleed at all during their “first time”.
When a woman bleeds:
Most of the time, it is only a few drops.
This is usually not bad.
The small injuries heal all by themselves.
Sometimes a few more drops appear for a couple of days.
That is not bad either.
If there is more blood:
Then the woman should see a doctor.
Intimacy is a difficult word.
It means: You trust a person very much.
And that person also trusts you.
You are not embarrassed in front of that person.
When you two are alone together, “intimacy” can develop.
When two people are in love, that means:
They are close to one another.
They look into each other’s eyes.
They talk in low and tender voices.
They touch one another and perhaps caress one another.
Sometimes, both people get in the mood to have sex with one another.
But that doesn’t always happen.
Sometimes one person just wants to cuddle.
That means: The person is satisfied and doesn’t want to do anything else.
Important: Both only do what they want to do.
Until now, we often wrote new texts on this page.
We talked about a lot of topics.
We hope that these topics were interesting for you.
We are glad that you visited our page!
But starting January 2019, we will not write any more new texts.
The page www.refu-tips.de will still be online, though.
That means: You can still read the texts.
Maybe you still have some questions that were not yet answered.
Perhaps you can ask an adult you know.
Perhaps the texts on www.refu-tips.de will help you when you do.
You can also go to a counselling center.
There are counselling centers for when you have experienced violence.
And there are counselling centers for questions about sex and your body.
You can find these counselling centers here: https://www.hilfeportal-missbrauch.de/nc/adressen/hilfe-in-ihrer-naehe/kartensuche.html
Enter your city under “Postal Code/Town…”.
Under “All offers of assistance“ you can say how old you are, for example.
Then click on “Search”.
There you will find someone who can help you.