Intimacy is a difficult word.
It means: You trust a person very much.
And that person also trusts you.
You are not embarrassed in front of that person.
When you two are alone together, “intimacy” can develop.
When two people are in love, that means:
They are close to one another.
They look into each other’s eyes.
They talk in low and tender voices.
They touch one another and perhaps caress one another.
Sometimes, both people get in the mood to have sex with one another.
But that doesn’t always happen.
Sometimes one person just wants to cuddle.
That means: The person is satisfied and doesn’t want to do anything else.
Important: Both only do what they want to do.
Yes, that’s right. You are not allowed to follow anyone against their will.
Breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend always hurts.
And the pain is greater, if you are still in love.
But love is about two people.
It’s difficult to let your girlfriend go.
But you can’t keep her if she doesn’t want it.
A loving relationship is great when it is voluntary.
That means when you both want it.
You wouldn’t like it if you were forced into love.
It is also against the law to stalk someone.
That means following someone against their will.
Try to take your mind off it and think about something else.
There are many ways to help mend a broken heart:
Talk to someone about it.
Perhaps even cry.
Practice sport or something else you like doing.
You think somebody is pretty, nice or great.
You are in love.
Now you have to get to know them.
Only then will you know if they are right for you.
And whether or not he or she also likes you.
It is important to be polite when approaching somebody.
To make it a bit easier, here are a few tips about flirting:
- Make contact when you are in a good mood.
- Wear something nice but comfortable so you feel good.
- Stand close to the person but keep enough distance.
- Look at the person and make eye contact.
- Say: “I would like to get to know you better. Is that OK?”
- If it is then ask the person something. Questions about their favourite music or hobbies.
- Show interest in the person.
- Pay them a compliment. Tell them what you find so great about them.
- The first compliment should not be about their body.
- Tell them, for example, that you think they have good taste in music or like the way they talk.
- You will be sure to notice if the person likes you as well.
It takes a lot of courage to approach somebody.
Sometimes you talk to another person and they have no interest.
This is of course sad for you.
Nonetheless, it’s better to know.
Not all German girls are the same.
However, the following is very important for many girls and women:
They want to live just as freely as boys and men.
This means: they want to have equal rights.
However, that does not mean that they want a different partner.
It is about self-determination for girls.
They want to decide for themselves, for example:
They want to wear whatever clothes they like.
They want to meet up with girlfriends, even unaccompanied.
Some also want to be friends with boys.
However, this has nothing to do with your relationship.
Your girlfriend likes you very much.
But she also wants to continue meeting other people, girls and boys.
Every girl is different.
Talk to your girlfriend about how you feel.
Tell each other what you want.
Then you can understand each other more.
In Germany, people live together in many different ways.
Here are a few examples:
Some men and women are married and have children.
Some men and women have children and are NOT married.
Some men and women are married and have NO children.
Some couples are separated or divorced.
That means that they have ended their relationship.
Some of these couples have children.
The children might then live with their mother or their father.
Some men and women are homosexual.
They might be in a relationship with a person of the same gender.
Some people live in shared accommodation.
That means that they live together but are not in a relationship or a family.
Lots of men and women also live alone when they are adults.
Everyone can decide how they want to live.
All of these options are permitted in Germany.
Nobody in these examples is good or bad.
And nobody may be discriminated against or prosecuted for this behaviour.
It’s okay if you don’t want to get married.
You are not a bad woman.
Behave just as you did before.
She is in love with someone of the same gender.
If you are in love with someone of a different gender, that is called heterosexual.
If you are in love with someone of the same gender, that is called homosexual.
Homosexual girls are also called lesbian.
Homosexual boys are also called gay.
Nobody can choose how they feel.
Some people fall in love with people of either gender.
If you are sometimes homosexual and sometimes heterosexual, that is called bisexual.
This is completely normal.
There are many different ways to be together with someone.
But unfortunately, not all of them are accepted in some countries.
Many girls and boys find it difficult to be homosexual.
Your friend probably finds it difficult to tell people.
That needs a lot of courage.
That shows that your friend trusts you.
You may not be able to understand why she is in love with a girl.
You don’t have to understand.
What’s important is that your friend is still the same person.
You might be afraid that she is in love with you.
But that usually isn’t true.
You can still be friends as normal.
You can listen to her and have fun with her.
Your friend will hopefully remain your friend.
It’s great to have a good friend.
Being in love is a great feeling and is not prohibited in Germany!
Sometimes a girl falls in love with a girl.
Sometimes a boy falls in love with a boy.
That is completely normal.
It is not prohibited.
In some countries and religions, people say that it is a sin.
You might therefore think that your feelings are bad.
You might therefore not want to have these feelings.
But we would like you to know:
Your feelings are natural and are not a sin.
You cannot choose your feelings.
Your feelings are ok.
Sometimes people find it good to tell someone.
But telling someone is not easy and requires a lot of courage.
Perhaps you can talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
You will find more support on this website: www.sextra.de
It’s great that you both like each other so much.
Now your boyfriend wants to have sex with you.
He would like to touch your body and have an orgasm with you.
That is ok.
But you don’t want to.
That is completely ok.
Two people who like each other don’t always want the same things.
Tell him that you love him.
But you still don’t want to have sex with him.
He might be disappointed and think that you don’t love him.
Make it clear to him that you still need more time.
Sex is fun when both people want it.
But it is not good to have sex only because someone else wants it.
He might wait until you want to have sex too.
He might try to persuade you.
He might even leave you.
But sex does not guarantee that he will stay with you forever.
So it is important that you look out for YOURSELF.
It is important to know what YOU want and what is good for YOU.
How do you get to know girls in Germany?
At school, playing sports, in clubs and discos and at parties.
Friends introduce you.
Girls and boys want to have fun.
They might dress differently to what you are familiar with.
That is ok here.
It does not mean they are bad.
They deserve respect.
Even if they wear revealing clothes, they still don’t want to be touched.
They want to talk to you a lot.
Most boys and girls are cautious with each other.
They see whether they get on.
Then they fall in love.
They only kiss when both of them want to.
Being in love is nice.
You want to spend a lot of time with her.
You want to tell her that you like her.
And that is good and ok!
But sometimes you think it’s going very slowly.
Maybe she likes you.
Maybe she isn’t sure.
Maybe she doesn’t love you.
The wishes of the other person are very important.
You are always allowed to say what you want.
You are allowed to express your feelings.
Ask the girl what she wants.
She is also allowed to say what she feels and what she wants.
You are not allowed to touch or kiss her if she doesn’t want to.
But she is also not allowed to touch or kiss you if you don’t want to.