We are 3 women.
Two of us were born in Germany.
One arrived here as a refugee many years ago.
We work together in a social institution.
Our institution is called AMYNA.
7 other women also work there.
People who work in a social institution want to help other people.
The main objective of our institution
is to protect girls and boys from sexual violence.
We aim to provide help before something happens.
We inform other adults about many important issues.
And we answer lots of questions for girls and boys on this website.
But if something bad does happen to you,
we can also show you where to find help!
Click on this link: https://refu-tips.de/en/category/help-hilfe-en/
You were probably thrilled to get a smartphone.
You probably thanked him for the gift.
A gift does not commit you to anything else.
A gift should make the other person happy.
Your godfather will be pleased if you show how happy you are.
Sometimes you might not be happy about a gift.
Perhaps you don’t need it or it’s not right or you don’t like it.
However you should still say thank you.
You know that the other person meant well.
Hugging and kissing has nothing to do with the gift.
It’s right to say that you don’t like it.
Say something like: I like you.
But I don’t like hugging and kissing.
Please understand that. It’s important to me.
Your godfather should understand and respect that.
If not, get help from another adult.
How do you get to know girls in Germany?
At school, playing sports, in clubs and discos and at parties.
Friends introduce you.
Girls and boys want to have fun.
They might dress differently to what you are familiar with.
That is ok here.
It does not mean they are bad.
They deserve respect.
Even if they wear revealing clothes, they still don’t want to be touched.
They want to talk to you a lot.
Most boys and girls are cautious with each other.
They see whether they get on.
Then they fall in love.
They only kiss when both of them want to.
Being in love is nice.
You want to spend a lot of time with her.
You want to tell her that you like her.
And that is good and ok!
But sometimes you think it’s going very slowly.
Maybe she likes you.
Maybe she isn’t sure.
Maybe she doesn’t love you.
The wishes of the other person are very important.
You are always allowed to say what you want.
You are allowed to express your feelings.
Ask the girl what she wants.
She is also allowed to say what she feels and what she wants.
You are not allowed to touch or kiss her if she doesn’t want to.
But she is also not allowed to touch or kiss you if you don’t want to.
He may feel sad.
And you might think it’s a pity.
Maybe you are even friends.
But you are allowed to be honest.
You are allowed to clearly say:
“I don’t love you.”
Sometimes feelings change.
Maybe you used to be in love.
But you are no longer in love.
That is also ok!
You do not have to do anything that you do not want to do any more.
Maybe your acquaintance is sad or angry.
But he must take what you say into account.
He must accept that your feelings have changed.
Feelings cannot be forced.
There are two main things to consider:
Your age and your relationship to the person you are having sex with.
This table shows the ages at which sex is permitted and prohibited:
Both people must want to have sex.
If one person doesn’t want to have sex, sex is prohibited.
Nobody is allowed to force you to have sex.
Do you live in a residential home?
You are not allowed to have sex under the age of 16.
Sex is prohibited between the following people:
- Parents and children
- Step parents and children
- Male or female teachers with male or female pupils
- Male or female carers with young people in a residential home or youth facility
- On a training course, at work or on an internship, your male or female tutor is not allowed to have sex with you.
- If you are living in a family as a foster child, your foster parents are not allowed to have sex with you.
- Your legal guardian is also not allowed to have sex with you.
None of these people are allowed to force or persuade you to have sex.
If they do, get help immediately.
When we say “sex”, we mean all contact in intimate areas.
In Germany, this is generally permitted before marriage.
But only when both people want to!
It is also ok if you don’t want to have sex.
In Germany, the law states that:
Forcing someone to have sex is prohibited.
Nobody is allowed to force you.
You are always allowed to say no.
You can also change your mind.
Maybe at first you wanted to have sex.
You do not always have to feel the same.
People do not always want to have sex.
Sometimes it’s nice and sometimes it isn‘t.
And that is ok.
You are still very young.
Think carefully about what you want.
In another section, you can see the precise age restrictions for sex.
There are many people in Germany who help young people.
They work in advice centres.
They can help in the event of violence.
They can help in the event of sexual abuse.
Advice is free of charge.
They will help you to decide what help you need.
Find them at:
There are also advice centres for young refugees.
Unfortunately the website is only in German.
And often you have to make an appointment.
Ask someone if they can help you. Many have interpreters.
If they do not have interpreters, maybe you can take someone with you.
Your cousin is not allowed to do that.
Nobody is allowed to touch you in your intimate areas.
Whether you are a girl or a boy.
You are too young.
That is not permitted in Germany.
When you are older, you are allowed to decide who touches you by yourself.
You should tell your carer.
They can get help for you.
So that it doesn’t happen again.
You can also get help at an advice centre.
You are not guilty.
You will not be punished.
Your cousin can be punished if you want him to be.
Then you must make a complaint to the police.
An advice centre can help you with that.
Your carer is not allowed to kiss you.
In Germany, people are not allowed to take advantage of vulnerable persons.
Vulnerable persons are:
People who need help and protection from another person.
So he has done something wrong and prohibited.
Tell him that you do not want to.
He must accept that.
If he continues, get help.
Tell another carer or your guardian.
If they do not believe you, look for someone else.
Until someone helps you.
Your feelings are ok.
You will not be punished.
You are allowed to say NO.