Welcome to www.refu-tips.de

This website is designed for underage girls and boys.

But you should be at least 13 years old.

We will have new information for you regularly.

So visit our website often.

 

You would like to feel at home in Germany.

So you need to know the rules.

And you need to learn a few things.

We want to help you do this.

 

Maybe we are too direct for you.

Maybe you find something embarrassing.

Something we write.

We do not mean to cause any harm.

We apologise in advance.

But it is important that you also know about embarrassing subjects.

 

You should feel comfortable and safe in Germany.

We want to help you feel that way.

I am a 17-year-old girl and I would like to become a mother one day. But my family don’t want that. I have difficulty learning new things. So I shouldn’t become a mother. I think that’s unfair. Should I really not be a mother when I’m older?

You might want to speak about this with your family.
You can get help to do this.
Perhaps you can get help from an adult you trust.
There are also so-called advice centres where you can get help.

In Germany any woman can become a mother.
But you don’t have to become a mother.
The decision is not simple.
You are still very young.
You have lots of time to make this decision.
It’s ok to give yourself time to make the decision.

Advice centres can also help you make the decision.
If you become a mother, you will always be a mother.
Being a mother is not easy.
You can get support: http://www.behinderte-eltern.de/Papoo_CMS/index.php?menuid=98
A baby takes up a lot of time and costs money.
Your child should do well.
Your child should also be happy.
It’s great when people help you do this.

My boyfriend wants me to swallow his sperm. What exactly is sperm? And can you really swallow it?

Sperm is a sticky liquid.
This liquid comes out of a man’s penis.
This happens during ejaculation.
This article tells you what ejaculation is:
https://refu-tips.de/en/my-friend-told-me-that-he-ejaculated-what-does-that-mean/

If you swallow sperm you cannot get pregnant.
But sperm can carry diseases.
Even when the sperm is swallowed.
If you are not sure if your boyfriend is healthy, it is better not to swallow his sperm.

Sperm tastes different to everyone.
Some people like the taste.
Some people find sperm disgusting.
Both are ok.

You do not have to swallow sperm.
And nobody should force you to swallow sperm.
Not even your boyfriend.

I am a 16-year-old boy and I use a wheelchair. I like hanging out with my friends. They say I can’t have sex. Because of the wheelchair. They say I’m not a proper man. I’m not sure. Is that true?

No, that’s not true.
There is no such thing as a “proper” man.
People are different – men and boys too.
A man can be big or small.
A man can love men or women.
A man can have a wheelchair.
Every man is different.
It’s ok that you have a wheelchair.

There are also different types of sex.
Sexual intercourse is only one form of sex.
Sexual intercourse is when the penis is inserted into the vagina or the anus.
There are also many other ways to have sex.
What’s right is what feels good to both of you.

First find out where you like to be touched.
Tell your girlfriend or boyfriend honestly what you like.
Ask him or her what he or she likes.
Together you can make each other feel nice.

I am a 17-year-old boy and I was wondering if I can use the same condom twice?

No, you can’t.
If you put a condom on the penis for a second time, sperm can accidentally get on the outside of the condom.
Then the sperm can enter the woman’s vagina.
Then the woman can become pregnant.

We have a few tips for you:
Only use condoms from sealed packaging.
Do not use a condom if…
The packaging is broken or open.
The condom is torn.
The expiry date has passed.
You have ejaculated.
You have to pull the condom down the penis again.
The condom does not fit the penis properly.
Then you must throw the condom away.

You can buy several condoms at the same time.
Cheap condoms are sold in drugstores.
Buying condoms is completely normal.
You are showing that you are taking responsibility.
You do not need to feel embarrassed!

My boyfriend (17) is paraplegic. Yesterday he told me that his mother shaves his genital area. Because of the law of purity in Islam. What does that mean? Is it really important that he is shaved?

The law of purity means being clean, as stipulated by religion.
Islam states that a Muslim should be clean when praying.
Your boyfriend is physically disabled.
He might not be able to pray.
If he can pray, then maybe he can shave himself.

If he is religious, he can abide by the rules.
He can decide that for himself.
He can also decide if he wants to be shaved.
But he is not a bad Muslim if he does not shave.
He might find it unpleasant to be shaved by his mother.
He can decide who shaves him.

Your boyfriend has personal rights.
That means for example that he can make decisions about his own body.
And that nobody can force him to do something unpleasant.
Not even because of his disability.

I (15 years old) sent my boyfriend a photo of me in my underwear. He showed the photo to a friend. That friend sent the photo to a lot of people in my class. What should I do now?

Maybe you are afraid of what other people might think of you now.
Maybe you are disappointed or angry with your boyfriend.
You don’t have to deal with your worries alone!
What grown-up person do you trust?
Talk to that person.
Maybe they can help you.

Important to know:
Nobody is allowed to send on your photo without your permission.
You can look for your photo on the internet.
Enter your name in Google.
If you find the photo on a web site:
Contact the web site.
Tell them: That photo has to be deleted. It belongs to me.
Tell your class mates:
That photo should not have been sent out.
Get help from someone you trust.
If you want to talk to someone else or you have questions:
You can get advice at www.save-me-online.de .
The advice is free and you don’t have to say your name.

I (14 years old) am sad a lot. I have to think of things from before. Sometimes that makes me afraid. Sometimes I don’t know how I can keep on living with it. But I am afraid to talk to my parents. Who can help me?

Many people feel the same way you do:
They don’t know how they can live with fear or sadness.
Maybe they can’t forget something that happened to them in the past.
In moments like that, you need help.

If you are afraid to talk about it with someone around you:
Then there is the hotline “Krisen-Dienst Psychiatrie” (Psychiatric Crisis Service).
A hotline is a phone number for special situations.
You can call it when you are in trouble.
You can call it when you feel bad.

You can reach the hotline at 0180 / 655 3000.
You can call that number from 9:00 to 24:00.
Your parents don’t have to find out.
Please call that number.

The workers who answer the phone will listen to you.
They will work with you to decide what you need.
Hopefully, they will be able to help you.

(13, boy) Yesterday at school, we had sex education class. The teacher showed us a penis made of wood and a vulva made of fabric. They show us how those organs work. We were supposed to touch them. A friend says: That is a sin. You are not allowed to touch such things. Is that true?

Material for sex education classes is often for touching and learning.
The goal is:
Girls and boys are supposed to get to know their sexual organs.
Girls and boys should know:
How do their sexual organs work?
It is important that children and young people are informed.
They should know their own bodies.

Some people might be afraid to touch such things.
Maybe they are not used to talking about sexual organs.
It is not haram or a sin to get information.
No holy scripture says:
You are not allowed to touch these materials.

Knowing about the body and sexual organs can help:
It can help you to protect yourself from some diseases.
It can help women to not get pregnant when they don’t want to be.
It can help against false information and superstition.
It can help so nobody can lie to girls and boys.

My friend told me: She uses a “contraceptive ring”. I have never heard of that. What is it? How does it work?

The contraceptive ring is a contraceptive – like the pill.
The ring releases hormones into the body.
Those hormones are supposed to prevent pregnancy.
Your gynecologist can write you a prescription.
With the prescription, you can pick up a contraceptive ring at the pharmacy.

You have to insert the contraceptive ring into your vagina.
The contraceptive ring stays in there for three weeks.
After that, you remove the contraceptive ring from your vagina.
You wait seven days and then insert a new contraceptive ring.
It’s best to put a reminder in your calendar.

Important: Hormones can have unpleasant side effects.
Your gynecologist can give you advice about this.
How do you insert the contraceptive ring?
First, find a position that is comfortable for you.
You can squat down.
Or you can put one leg up on the edge of the bathtub.
You squeeze the ring with your thumb and forefinger.
Now you push the contraceptive ring into your vagina.
You’ll know it is in the right place when you can’t feel it any more.

My boyfriend and I (17) would like to have sex this weekend. But I’m going to have my period. My grandmother says: Sex during my period is impure. Is that true?

Sex during your period is not harmful.
If you both want it, it is ok.
Some women like sex during their period and some don’t.
Men are different that way, too.
In some religions, sex during the period is not allowed.
But that is a matter of belief.
If you believe it, you can stick by it.
Medically, sex during that time is no problem.

What is important is that you both enjoy it.
There are different ways to have sex during a woman’s period.
You can gently touch each other’s genital areas.

Do you want the penis to enter the vagina?
Then please be sure to do the following:
Use contraceptives even during the period.
It’s best to use a condom.
You can still get pregnant during this time.
Sexually transmitted diseases are spread more easily during the period.
Be sure to always remove the tampon before the penis enters the vagina.