Welcome to www.refu-tips.de

This website is designed for underage girls and boys.

But you should be at least 13 years old.

We will have new information for you regularly.

So visit our website often.


You would like to feel at home in Germany.

So you need to know the rules.

And you need to learn a few things.

We want to help you do this.


Maybe we are too direct for you.

Maybe you find something embarrassing.

Something we write.

We do not mean to cause any harm.

We apologise in advance.

But it is important that you also know about embarrassing subjects.


You should feel comfortable and safe in Germany.

We want to help you feel that way.

I am a 16-year-old girl and I have already had sex and am no longer a virgin. In my family this is considered a violation of honour. I’m frightened of my family finding out. What can I do?

This must be a very worrying situation for you.
It is therefore important that you understand
that honour has different meanings in different cultures.

In Germany, a person might be considered dishonourable
if they do not respect the laws and regulations
or if they hit or rape women and children.
It can be honourable to help someone when they need help and protection.

In some cultures people understand honour differently.
Sometimes honour means that a girl should remain a virgin until marriage.
Or that girls and boys should marry a person chosen by their families.
But these decisions should be made by you alone.
It is your personal right!
Nobody is allowed to violate your rights.

You can get help if your family thinks otherwise and puts you under pressure.
It is not ok for your family to pressure you about your virginity.
You can get help via these websites:





I am a 13-year-old boy and during my journey to this country I travelled with two men. They did disgusting and painful things to me. Am I now a homosexual?

A homosexual is someone who loves someone of their own sex.

A boy who loves another boy.
Or a girl who loves another girl.
These people can have sex together if they want to.
Homosexuals are also called gay if they’re boys or lesbian if they’re girls.

You didn’t want to do those things.
This is called sexual abuse.
This is prohibited. Adults who abuse children can be severely punished.

Read this little story.
You climb a tree and sit on a branch.
Suddenly a man climbs up and pushes you off the branch.
You injure yourself and it hurts.
It’s not your fault that you fell off.
The man pushed you.
You climb the tree again. There is nobody there.
You don’t fall from the branch.
You can stay sitting on that branch or climb onto another branch.
Just because you were pushed once, that does not mean you will always fall off the tree.

This means that sexual abuse by a man does not make you gay.
You will find out yourself later if you are gay or not.
You will know when you fall in love with someone.

There is a nice security guard who works at my sheltered accommodation. He helps me and lets me do lots of things. But yesterday he repeatedly touched my body. I don’t like that. What should I do?

You might think
that the security guard is looking out for you.
He helps you and lets you do lots of things.
Maybe he won’t help you any more if you complain.
You don’t know who to talk to about it.

If the security guard is helping you that is his decision.
But it is not ok if he does something you don’t like.
You are the one who decides who can touch you.

There are lots of people who help you.
You only need to thank them and nothing more.
If someone honestly wants to help you,
they won’t do anything you don’t like.

It’s good to talk to someone about it.
You can talk to the social workers in your sheltered accommodation.
Or talk to people at an advice centre.
Find advice centres via these websites:


I have large debts from my journey to this country. I’m supposed to work them off and I’m frightened. Who can help me?

Many girls have similar problems.
They wanted to work in Europe as babysitters or hairdressers.
They often have large debts after their journey.
They are supposed to work to pay off these debts.
These girls are forced into a job they do not want to do.

Some manage to escape.
But they are often unable to tell their story.
They are frightened
that something bad might happen to them and their families if they reveal anything.

Are you in a similar situation?
Have you also sworn not to tell anyone?
At SOLWODI there are women who work to help women and girls in need.
You can tell them your story.
Get in touch with them and they will help you to find a solution.

SOLWODI Munich: 089/27275859
For all other locations: www.solwodi.de

I am a 13-year-old girl and I have found blood in my pants. Am I ill?

You are almost certainly not ill.
You have got your period for the first time.
In some families or countries this is something to celebrate.
It shows that you are growing up.

The blood in your pants comes from your vagina.
The vagina leads to a small hollow in the abdomen.
This hollow is called a uterus or womb.
To the left and right of the uterus lie the ovaries.
A really tiny egg grows inside the ovaries about once a month.

The egg comes out of the ovary and passes along the fallopian tubes to the uterus.
This is how a woman can become pregnant.
If you are not pregnant, blood comes out through your vagina about once a month.
The egg comes out with the blood.

Pharmacies and shops sell sanitary pads and tampons which are used to absorb the blood.
Sanitary pads are placed in your pants.
Tampons are pushed up into the vagina.
Ask for help from a female friend or your mother.

How do I know if I have HIV?

You cannot tell if someone has HIV.
Only a HIV test can tell you
if you have the HIV virus in your body or not.

You can take a HIV test at a Gesundheitsamt (health office).
The HIV test is free and anonymous.
You do not have to pay any money.
You do not have to give your name.
A doctor will take blood from you.
Then look for the HIV virus in your blood.

If there’s no HIV in your blood, then that’s good.
If you have HIV in your blood, you will receive medications.
If you have HIV or AIDS, you should never have sex with others without condoms.
Otherwise you could infect the other person.

I do NOT want to get HIV. What can I do? How can I protect myself?

If you use condoms correctly, you will not get HIV through having sex.
Condoms can be purchased in various places,
such as supermarkets, petrol stations or pharmacies.

Important: Do not use condoms which have been left in the sun.
Do not use old condoms.
Do not use broken condoms.

Use a condom when you want to have sex with a girl or boy.
Pull the condom over the penis.
Condoms provide good protection.

I have questions about HIV and AIDS. Who can I talk to?
If you have questions about HIV and AIDS, you can get help from an AIDSBERATUNGSSTELLE (AIDS Advice Centre) or AIDSHILFE (AIDS Support Centre).
These centres can be found in many towns and cities.
You do not have to pay and they will not talk to anyone else about your questions.

I am 16 years old. A doctor asked me if I have HIV or AIDS. What is HIV? What is AIDS?

HIV and AIDS are two different things.
HIV is a virus.
A virus is hidden in your body and can make you ill.
AIDS is a disease which can be triggered by this virus.
If you have HIV in your body for a long time, you can get AIDS.
AIDS can kill you if it is not treated.

There are good medications which fight HIV.
These medications reduce the amount of HIV in your body.
So you cannot infect anybody with HIV.
And you do not get AIDS.
You can live for a long time with these medications.

In Germany you do not have to pay for these medications yourself.
Your health insurance will pay for HIV medications.
People with HIV can decide who they want to tell.
The law prohibits people from outing others.

Be careful and abide by the following:

  • Do not have sex with any other person without a condom (vaginal or anal sex).
  • Do not inject drugs. Using syringes and needles is dangerous. Do not pass on syringes or needles to others.
  • If you are bleeding or have an open wound, make sure that no foreign blood enters the wound.

I am a 17-year-old girl. My doctor asked me if I have been cut. What does that mean?

“Cutting” (or “female genital mutilation”) is when part of the vulva is cut off.
The vulva is the name for the female external genital organs.
You may have been cut when you were a small child.
You may not be able to remember anything about it.

There are several different forms of “cutting”.
Sometimes a small part is cut away.
Such as the “clitoris”.
This is at the upper end of the vulva.
Or the “labia”.
These are the flaps of skin around the vagina.

Sometimes the vagina is covered.
By joining the inner or outer labia.
Leaving only a small opening for urine and blood.

This may be normal for you. You may not have understood the doctor’s question.
Most women in Germany are not “cut”.
That is why the doctor asked you this question.
In Germany, “cutting” is banned and punishable by law.
This means that adults who cut girls are doing something wrong.

Cutting can harm girls’ health.
Girls can find more information or help here:

I am a 15-year-old boy. I think I am in love with a boy. Is that prohibited? What can I do?

Being in love is a great feeling and is not prohibited in Germany!
Sometimes a girl falls in love with a girl.
Sometimes a boy falls in love with a boy.
That is completely normal.
It is not prohibited.

In some countries and religions, people say that it is a sin.
You might therefore think that your feelings are bad.
You might therefore not want to have these feelings.
But we would like you to know:
Your feelings are natural and are not a sin.
You cannot choose your feelings.
Your feelings are ok.

Sometimes people find it good to tell someone.
But telling someone is not easy and requires a lot of courage.
Perhaps you can talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
You will find more support on this website: www.sextra.de