Welcome to www.refu-tips.de

This website is designed for underage girls and boys.

But you should be at least 13 years old.

We will have new information for you regularly.

So visit our website often.

 

You would like to feel at home in Germany.

So you need to know the rules.

And you need to learn a few things.

We want to help you do this.

 

Maybe we are too direct for you.

Maybe you find something embarrassing.

Something we write.

We do not mean to cause any harm.

We apologise in advance.

But it is important that you also know about embarrassing subjects.

 

You should feel comfortable and safe in Germany.

We want to help you feel that way.

I am a 15-year-old boy. I think I am in love with a boy. Is that prohibited? What can I do?

Being in love is a great feeling and is not prohibited in Germany!
Sometimes a girl falls in love with a girl.
Sometimes a boy falls in love with a boy.
That is completely normal.
It is not prohibited.

In some countries and religions, people say that it is a sin.
You might therefore think that your feelings are bad.
You might therefore not want to have these feelings.
But we would like you to know:
Your feelings are natural and are not a sin.
You cannot choose your feelings.
Your feelings are ok.

Sometimes people find it good to tell someone.
But telling someone is not easy and requires a lot of courage.
Perhaps you can talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
You will find more support on this website: www.sextra.de

I am a 16-year-old girl. And I have only been in Germany for a few weeks. Everything is different here. What is life like for women and girls in Germany?

A lot of things must seem strange to you here in Germany.
Women and girls have the same rights as men and boys.
These rights apply to all women and girls who live in Germany.
It is important for women and girls to know these rights.
Do you know your rights?

Here are a few examples:
You are allowed to study and attend school.
You are allowed to choose a job for yourself.
You are allowed to travel alone when you are old enough.
You are allowed to make your own decisions.
You are allowed to decide whether to get married or not.
You are allowed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
You are allowed to dress as you like.
You are allowed to go out with anyone.

It is important for boys and girls to know these rights.
These rights must be respected.

This link will take you to a website containing more information.
An information sheet is available in many different languages (Albanian, Arabic, Bosnian, English, Farsi, Dari, French, Serbian and Somali – and new languages are always being added).
http://wie-kann-ich-helfen.info/geh-deinen-weg-deine-rechte-als-frau-in-deutschland-infoflyer-fuer-weibliche-fluechtlinge/3063
Read the text carefully.
It is important for you to know the rights of women and girls.

My friends want to go to the swimming pool with me (14). You can look at naked women there. Is that true?

Girls and boys and men and women like going to the swimming pool.
When the weather is good they go to an open-air pool or lake.
Here there are often meadows in which you can relax and sunbathe.
And there are spaces for playing games and sports.
When the weather is bad people go to the indoor swimming pool.
Here there is only space to relax after swimming.

Everyone wears swimming costumes.
They want to swim, relax and have fun.
Nobody wants to be stared at or touched.

In Europe many people don’t wear very much when swimming.
This is for practical reasons, to allow wet clothes to dry out more quickly.

Watching women and girls is rude.
Sometimes women and girls feel harassed by these glances.
If you want to look, then do so briefly.
You are never allowed to touch or harass. Otherwise you can get into trouble.
Grabbing women and girls is prohibited.

If you want to get to know a girl, you must speak to her politely.
You could ask: Can I buy you an ice cream?
Or would you like to play table tennis?

Important: Learn to swim so that you don’t drown in deep water!

I have signed up to Facebook on my smartphone. How can I get to know people?

Facebook is a social network on the internet.
A social network is:
A virtual space where people from around the world can talk to each other.
Instagram and WhatsApp are also social networks.
You can get in touch with old friends.
And find new friends.

It can be exciting to get to know new people.
But sometimes you have to be careful around strangers.
Strangers are people you have met on the internet
and have never seen in real life.

Here are a few tips:
Do not give your real name and address.
Do not give out your telephone number.
Do not put up any photos of your friends on the internet.
They might not like that.

Important: Do not meet a stranger off the internet on your own.
Take someone with you who you know well.
Agree to meet in a square or a café.

My parents have found someone for me to marry. But I do NOT want to get married. What can I do?

That is a very difficult situation.
Forcing people to get married
is prohibited in Germany.

You have several options:
First option:
You can try to talk to your family about it.
Your family might not realise that they are doing something illegal.
But they may not want to listen to you.

Second option:
You can leave your family before the planned wedding.
You can get help.
But be careful! Do not tell anybody about your plans in advance.

You can always contact Wüstenrose.
The telephone number is 0 89 – 45 21 63 50.
The people who work there know about the support facilities available in Germany.
They will talk to you about what you can do now.
You do not have to give your name on the telephone.

Text from Wüstenrose (IMMA e.V.)

I am a 17-year-old girl. I would like to marry my boyfriend. Is that permitted in Germany?

You can get married to your boyfriend.
Marriage is an official relationship before the law.
A registry office will confirm the relationship.

There are various regulations relating to marriage in Germany.
You are allowed to get married from the age of 18.
Sometimes you are allowed to get married from the age of 16:
But then your partner must be older than 18.
And the family court must agree.

You are only allowed to marry one person.
Multiple marriages are not permitted in Germany.

You are allowed to end your marriage at any time if you are unhappy.
That is called divorce.
You can find more information on this website: http://www.zanzu.de/de/scheidung-0

You are not allowed to marry anyone in your own family.
Even cousins do not marry cousins in Germany.
Children from these marriages can get hereditary diseases.
So it is not a good idea to marry your own relatives.

You do not have to get married!
You can get help if someone wants to force you.

The other option is:
You can get married by means of a religious ritual.
There are many different marriage rituals.
But in Germany these are not official according to the law.

My boyfriend (15) and I (15) love each other very much. He wants to have sex with me. Do I have to have sex with him so that he doesn’t leave me?

It’s great that you both like each other so much.
Now your boyfriend wants to have sex with you.
He would like to touch your body and have an orgasm with you.
That is ok.

But you don’t want to.
That is completely ok.
Two people who like each other don’t always want the same things.

Tell him that you love him.
But you still don’t want to have sex with him.
He might be disappointed and think that you don’t love him.
Make it clear to him that you still need more time.

Sex is fun when both people want it.
But it is not good to have sex only because someone else wants it.

He might wait until you want to have sex too.
He might try to persuade you.
He might even leave you.
But sex does not guarantee that he will stay with you forever.

So it is important that you look out for YOURSELF.
It is important to know what YOU want and what is good for YOU.

I found this website. I would like to know who responds to my questions. Who are you?

We are 3 women.

Our names are Anja Bawidamann, Christine Rudolf-Jilg and Parvaneh Djafarzadeh.

Anja Bawidamann and Christine Rudolf-Jilg were born in Germany.

Parvaneh Djafarzadeh arrived from Iran many years ago.

 

We work together in a social welfare organisation.

Our organisation is called AMYNA.

7 other women work there too.

A social welfare organisation is a place where people work to help other people.

 

Our organisation has one goal:

To protect girls and boys from sexual violence.

We want to help before something happens.

So we provide girls and boys with information on various important topics.

 

And if something bad does happen to you:

We will show you where to find help!

Click on this link: http://refu-tips.de/en/category/help-hilfe-en/

My godfather gave me (13) a smartphone. He wants to hug and kiss me when he says goodbye. Is it rude to say that I don’t like it?

You were probably thrilled to get a smartphone.
You probably thanked him for the gift.

A gift does not commit you to anything else.
A gift should make the other person happy.
Your godfather will be pleased if you show how happy you are.

Sometimes you might not be happy about a gift.
Perhaps you don’t need it or it’s not right or you don’t like it.
However you should still say thank you.
You know that the other person meant well.

Hugging and kissing has nothing to do with the gift.
It’s right to say that you don’t like it.

Say something like: I like you.
But I don’t like hugging and kissing.
Please understand that. It’s important to me.

Your godfather should understand and respect that.
If not, get help from another adult.

I would like a German girlfriend. What should I do?

How do you get to know girls in Germany?

At school, playing sports, in clubs and discos and at parties.

Friends introduce you.

 

Girls and boys want to have fun.

They might dress differently to what you are familiar with.

That is ok here.

It does not mean they are bad.

 

They deserve respect.

Even if they wear revealing clothes, they still don’t want to be touched.

They want to talk to you a lot.

 

Most boys and girls are cautious with each other.

They see whether they get on.

Then they fall in love.

They only kiss when both of them want to.