Welcome to www.refu-tips.de

This website is designed for underage girls and boys.

But you should be at least 13 years old.

We will have new information for you regularly.

So visit our website often.

 

You would like to feel at home in Germany.

So you need to know the rules.

And you need to learn a few things.

We want to help you do this.

 

Maybe we are too direct for you.

Maybe you find something embarrassing.

Something we write.

We do not mean to cause any harm.

We apologise in advance.

But it is important that you also know about embarrassing subjects.

 

You should feel comfortable and safe in Germany.

We want to help you feel that way.

I (15 years old) sent my boyfriend a photo of me in my underwear. He showed the photo to a friend. That friend sent the photo to a lot of people in my class. What should I do now?

Maybe you are afraid of what other people might think of you now.
Maybe you are disappointed or angry with your boyfriend.
You don’t have to deal with your worries alone!
What grown-up person do you trust?
Talk to that person.
Maybe they can help you.

Important to know:
Nobody is allowed to send on your photo without your permission.
You can look for your photo on the internet.
Enter your name in Google.
If you find the photo on a web site:
Contact the web site.
Tell them: That photo has to be deleted. It belongs to me.
Tell your class mates:
That photo should not have been sent out.
Get help from someone you trust.
If you want to talk to someone else or you have questions:
You can get advice at www.save-me-online.de .
The advice is free and you don’t have to say your name.

I (14 years old) am sad a lot. I have to think of things from before. Sometimes that makes me afraid. Sometimes I don’t know how I can keep on living with it. But I am afraid to talk to my parents. Who can help me?

Many people feel the same way you do:
They don’t know how they can live with fear or sadness.
Maybe they can’t forget something that happened to them in the past.
In moments like that, you need help.

If you are afraid to talk about it with someone around you:
Then there is the hotline “Krisen-Dienst Psychiatrie” (Psychiatric Crisis Service).
A hotline is a phone number for special situations.
You can call it when you are in trouble.
You can call it when you feel bad.

You can reach the hotline at 0180 / 655 3000.
You can call that number from 9:00 to 24:00.
Your parents don’t have to find out.
Please call that number.

The workers who answer the phone will listen to you.
They will work with you to decide what you need.
Hopefully, they will be able to help you.

(13, boy) Yesterday at school, we had sex education class. The teacher showed us a penis made of wood and a vulva made of fabric. They show us how those organs work. We were supposed to touch them. A friend says: That is a sin. You are not allowed to touch such things. Is that true?

Material for sex education classes is often for touching and learning.
The goal is:
Girls and boys are supposed to get to know their sexual organs.
Girls and boys should know:
How do their sexual organs work?
It is important that children and young people are informed.
They should know their own bodies.

Some people might be afraid to touch such things.
Maybe they are not used to talking about sexual organs.
It is not haram or a sin to get information.
No holy scripture says:
You are not allowed to touch these materials.

Knowing about the body and sexual organs can help:
It can help you to protect yourself from some diseases.
It can help women to not get pregnant when they don’t want to be.
It can help against false information and superstition.
It can help so nobody can lie to girls and boys.

My friend told me: She uses a “contraceptive ring”. I have never heard of that. What is it? How does it work?

The contraceptive ring is a contraceptive – like the pill.
The ring releases hormones into the body.
Those hormones are supposed to prevent pregnancy.
Your gynecologist can write you a prescription.
With the prescription, you can pick up a contraceptive ring at the pharmacy.

You have to insert the contraceptive ring into your vagina.
The contraceptive ring stays in there for three weeks.
After that, you remove the contraceptive ring from your vagina.
You wait seven days and then insert a new contraceptive ring.
It’s best to put a reminder in your calendar.

Important: Hormones can have unpleasant side effects.
Your gynecologist can give you advice about this.
How do you insert the contraceptive ring?
First, find a position that is comfortable for you.
You can squat down.
Or you can put one leg up on the edge of the bathtub.
You squeeze the ring with your thumb and forefinger.
Now you push the contraceptive ring into your vagina.
You’ll know it is in the right place when you can’t feel it any more.

My boyfriend and I (17) would like to have sex this weekend. But I’m going to have my period. My grandmother says: Sex during my period is impure. Is that true?

Sex during your period is not harmful.
If you both want it, it is ok.
Some women like sex during their period and some don’t.
Men are different that way, too.
In some religions, sex during the period is not allowed.
But that is a matter of belief.
If you believe it, you can stick by it.
Medically, sex during that time is no problem.

What is important is that you both enjoy it.
There are different ways to have sex during a woman’s period.
You can gently touch each other’s genital areas.

Do you want the penis to enter the vagina?
Then please be sure to do the following:
Use contraceptives even during the period.
It’s best to use a condom.
You can still get pregnant during this time.
Sexually transmitted diseases are spread more easily during the period.
Be sure to always remove the tampon before the penis enters the vagina.

I (16) have had my period for five days. Yesterday I had sex with a boy. We did not use contraceptives. Could I be pregnant anyway?

Yes, you can get pregnant during your period.
It is very unlikely.
But still, it can happen.

Your egg is only fertile during a certain time of every month.
Fertile means:
You can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex.
You are fertile just before ovulation.
You are especially fertile during ovulation.
You are also fertile for a short while after ovulation.
You don’t know for sure when your ovulation happens.
That depends on the time between your periods.
Do you always have just a few days between periods?

During sex, sperm can enter your vagina.
The sperm can fertilize your egg for up to five days.
It could be that your ovulation is during that time.
Please go to see a gynecologist, that’s a women’s doctor.
She can help you, even if you did get pregnant yesterday.
She can give you a check-up and advise you.

My girlfriend (15) is taking the pill. We sleep together a lot. Sometimes she forgets to take her pill. Can she get pregnant?

Yes, your girlfriend can get pregnant.
Taking the pill on time is very important!
But “on time” means different things depending on the kind of pill.

Is your girlfriend taking the mini-pill?
The mini-pill must be taken at the same time every day.
Your girlfriend should set a reminder in her smart phone.
The phone beeps: Now she has to take the mini-pill.
If she takes the mini-pill later or forgets it completely:
Then her protection from pregnancy is weaker.
If that happens, also use a condom during sex until her next period.

Maybe she is taking the regular pill?
Your girlfriend has to take the pill every day.
At about the same time.
If she forgets the pill:
Please also use a condom during sex until her next period.

If she keeps on forgetting the pill:
Go to see a gynecologist, a women’s doctor, together, and get some advice.
There are other kinds of contraceptives.

I (17, boy) have a girlfriend. She just went to a gynecologist, that’s a women’s doctor. The doctor says that all girls have to go there. Is there also a men’s doctor?

Yes, there is such a doctor.
This doctor is called “andrologist”.
Usually they are also urologists at the same time.
You can see this doctor for lots of things.
When you have questions about sex or about your body.
When something seems strange about your penis.
When you are insecure because your body is changing.

What is important:
You can always go there by yourself.
The doctor can give you a check-up.
If that is what you want.

It is good to know your body.
That way you notice changes.
For some changes, you have to see a “urologist”.
For example if you had hard lumps on your testicles.
That should be looked at by a doctor.
Here is how you can find a doctor near you:
http://www.urologenportal.de/patienten/urologensuche.html?_ga=2.176741090.657452144.1525423126-2097382778.1524050206

I (16, girl) am in a wheelchair. I have never had a boyfriend. My friends don’t have wheelchairs. All my friends have had boyfriends. Is this because boys don’t think I’m beautiful?

It sounds like your wheelchair is making you insecure.
Maybe you feel “different” than your friends.
That makes a lot of people feel insecure:
When they feel “different”.
Maybe you’ve also heard some dumb opinions from people.
That can make you insecure, too.

But every person is special.
One of the things that make you special is easy to see.
Maybe people talk to you about it.
Maybe that is why you are thinking about it.
“Being beautiful” means something different for everyone.
What is beautiful is what makes you unique.
There is only one of you!

Many girls and boys don’t have a relationship for a long time.
But: Many girls and boys in wheelchairs do have a relationship.
It can happen to you some day.
It is okay if you have not had a boyfriend.

I am a 15-year-old boy. In the past a man really hurt me. He grabbed me between my legs. I didn’t want him to. I still think about it often. Now I have a girlfriend. How can I talk to her about it?

It’s understandable that you still think about this.
Lots of people who have had this kind of experience think about it often.
Maybe you have to think about it even more.
Because you and your girlfriend are very close.
Maybe you have strange feelings when you are near her.
Maybe you are unsure if you should tell her or not.

Do you want to tell her?
Think about what you want from her when you are physically close.
Then think about what you want to say to her.
Perhaps these words will help:
Somebody once hurt me very much.
So I don’t want to do anything which will hurt again.
Sometimes I also want to stop hugging quickly.
That is because of my memories.
Not because of you.
Think about how much you want to tell her.
It is important that it feels ok to you.
You can tell her what you want from her.